If you’re planning on moving to Italy you need to learn a thing or two about Italian etiquette. In this video I cover Italian culture values and how you can avoid the same mistakes I made! Buona visione!
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🔎🔎 Jump to a specific part of the video:
00:00 Italian Etiquette you NEED to Learn!
00:26 Learn the language
02:15 Dress to Impress
03:48 Gift Giving
04:10 Cash as a gift
04:26 Who pays at the restaurant?
06:15 Favors for Friends
07:45 Criticizing Italy
09:49 Criticize Soccer
10:19 Frase Italiana Della Settimana
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31 Comments
Coming from a large Italian family, (nonna from the north, nonno from the south) both were very generous with friends and family.
All part of “Bella Figura”, I suppose, but the ones from the south just seemed to go a little bit further with it. Trying to respectfully decline any of their generosity was almost impossible 😂.
My dad was born in the USA but carried that mindset strongly and would often do what you mentioned and pay sneakily when we thought he went to use the restaurant restroom. He would never let someone else pay the bill.
Several years ago, my family and I returned to the NY/NJ area, where my family settled after coming in through Ellis Island, for my dad’s funeral. As we were checking out of the hotel the receptionist asked how our stay was. I said that under different circumstances it would have been wonderful, and I mentioned the sad reason for our visit. He asked if I had received the invoice under our door and wanted to see it.
He tore it up in front of me and said the stay was not going to be billed.
As this sunk in I embarrassed myself and broke down right there at the front desk. Even in death that sneaky son of a gun managed to “pay the tab”. Miss him terribly.
Anyway, thanks for your excellent videos. I always watch as soon as I can.
Hahaha, the fan is saving us in these ultra hot days, i feel you!!!
Gift giving i'd say is not mandatory in informal situations (friends) but with common sense you can understand on your own when you could squeeze some more points
Cash as gift, i've never seen it. Might be because of living in the northeast, or maybe just that i never saw it happen.
Paying at the restaurant is funny ^_^ . Sneaking stealthily towards the cashier might too lead to somewhat drama, when the other "wannabe pay cash" figures out he cannot do that anymore and forcibly makes you note that he is disappointed, but you can just say "ok, next time you will do that", and it acts like a reset button, he turns on his smile again, hugs your shoulders and laughs "amici come prima"
Favor for friends is a national habit. The sky is the limit. Politicians do that. big companies do that. Small people and commoneers do that. Yep.
Criticizing is.. a standard nowadays. Everyone has an opinion, and everyone wants to share it. Social media made it easier. And – connected to the next point- there's a saying: Every italian citizen is an "allenatore" when talking about football (the team manager? preparator? trainer? whatever), meaning that every single italian's football fan WILL have an opinion about how he would have done the job better. Mostly when his favourite team loses.
Moreover, i know that this channel aims at getting seen by US people, but… We italians won't get offended by You saying that you neither follow, nor like soccer. We get offended by You calling it "Soccer".
And as for your true favourite sport, i'm sorry but we italians can't muster much muscles there. Italian Ice Hockey is minor, mostly played in the north (where the alps are), as a nation we're quite always in the B group (division) and we have hard times ranking up in the A group, and if it happens, it lasts only for a season. Team divisions we have an internal italian league, and the biggest players do also play in the Alpenliga, or even better in the EBHL, sometimes we go for the european champions league but we don't go very far. And a sidenote, i'm for the Bolzano Foxes ^_^
Great Vid.
Ciao ^_^
Great information.
Good things to know David. Thanks. 🥰🥰
Haha.. I'm a big calcio fan, so I look forward to talking about it on my trip 🙂
Grazie mille David. These are very useful for me since when I move I want to fit it in as much as possible, the only place I will be criticizing is probably the States. I am not coming with the intent of bringing my ideas there so much as integrating. I do love calcio so that will help.
Your thought experiment about tolerating a 'foreigner' criticizing America was a nice try, but comparing America with countries like Italy is of limited value, IMHO. America is a giant, late 18th century, 'Enlightenment era' project, a 'proposition nation' which was never intended to belong to or be the physical manifestation of the power of any one tribe or ethnicity. Its founding mythos and cultural values were specifically written and codified by highly educated late 18th century men who were great believers in liberal democracy and Enlightenment-derived rationalism. It is deliberately 'a nation of immigrants'. Yeah, yeah, I know it started with an Anglo-Scottish super majority in the original 13 colonies, but very quickly there were waves of non-Anglo immigration, first by the Dutch and Germans, the Irish, then a whole bunch of other European peoples as the 19th century unfolded. And that's just white people. You also had the native Americans, African slaves, and Hispanics (especially in the South West).
That is the total opposite of the history of European countries and Asian countries. Those nations did arise from clearly defined ethnicities and linguistic-cultural traditions, and are therefore much more in-group orientated and aware of who is in-group and who is out-group. That is why there have been so many wars in Europe and also why it has been so much harder to integrate immigrants into Europe than it has been in America. And don't get me started on Asia! I mean, I have lived in China, Korea, and Japan, and those places are virtual ethno-states in all but name.
Anyway, my point is that while to the average American it may be less grating on the ears to hear a foreigner criticizing America, especially from one who has been living there a few years and pays taxes, etc., don't automatically assume that all people in older countries will be or even should be that 'tolerant'. And no, that doesn't mean they are 'bad' people or 'wrong' and it's an American's place to 'educate' them, lol. It's just that America and American values are very specific to a particular historical period (the Enlightenment) and philosophy (classical liberalism).
Great video David. Yes, I get it. As a visitor, tourist or resident in Italy I should be stingy with criticism of Italy and generous with praise ( at least until I get back home)! Italian tourists have no similar compunctions. Italian friends who come visit us have a list of complaints before they leave the airport. This continues on the drive home and during the entire stay. The food is not to their liking, They don’t like the tipping culture. Americans are too fat ( sorry, nothing I can do about that), downtowns look downtrodden, suburbs are boring, meal schedules are different than what they are used to, things close earlier than what they are used to, too much a/c etc etc etc. no mention of anything positive about the visit. They are like that in other countries and even their own. You wonder why they even bother traveling if everything is such a hassle for them. You also wonder how the Italian diplomatic service gets any applicants to the global world service where everything is “great” and everywhere is “nice”.
my man, you sure have some common sense. kudos to you
I don't feel the pressure to return the favor but I always do because they're family and that's what you do for family, that's how I was raised. I live in Northern Italy, born in central Italy. But this doesn't only happen in Italy, my mom is Lithuanian and it's impossible to be faster than her at paying the bill 😂
"don't worry" is not just an euphemistic way to say that i expect something in return. it's a way to say " i know that if i would need an help you'll help me like i helped you". it' more about troustness and it's the same in all italy
about criticizing italy what you say it's true, but you forget to mention that italians are the worst critics on italy. for italians people every thing (except food and coffe) is done in a foreign country is better that in italy and whining about how things don't go well in italy is kind of a national sport
Ciao David! The only thing I would add about criticizing Italy, is to say that if you are here in Italy only as a tourist, then it is never appropriate to criticize Italy. Grazie, Paul in Firenze
I don't disagree with that you should return the favor if someone helps u but a lot of time when u ask that same friend that you help, when it time reciprecate, they won't. They will have every excuse not to help you.
Many great points. Thanks. I’ll stay away from criticizing Italy. Maybe after ten years living there…. . Good thing I love calcio! Hockey..no thanks. I tried. Went to islander / ranger game. The fans scared me and I never saw the puck.
Well, what you said about favors 99.9% applies to southern Italy because in the south there is this idea that you have to offer your help and absolutely you cannot refuse if you are asked, however, in 99.9% it is no longer a real and free favor but "A BUON RENDERE!" … here in the "deep cold" north of Italy if we do a favor it is because we want to do it and it is totally free … this is because we are taught to be independent and we do not expect that friends and relatives have to help us, so we are not "scandalized" when help is not offered or when we receive a NO as an answer … thank God we are free from this "PALLA AL PIEDE" to always be in debt to someone that in the south becomes a constant situation for any "stupidaggine" if you are not very careful not to accept help from no one! This is one of those things for which the so vounted warm and nice ways of southern Italy actually hides a lot of opportunism … favors should be FREE! NOT… A BUON RENDERE! …
BRAVO David you're absolutely right, finally someone who has the courage to tell the truth about this fact! … The further south you go and the more the help you get from people is never free but "A BUON RENDERE! … 🙈🙈🙈🙈
Speaking of criticizing Italy … You live in Italy, work and pay your taxes, it seems to me OBVIOUS THAT YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO CRITICATE WHAT YOU BELIEVE IS NOT GOOD! Honestly, those who should keep quiet are the Italians who by choice work illegally and do not pay taxes along with all tax evaders! Everything these "cittadini modello" receive from the state, in the form of a public service, is a GIFT that we honest citizens and in general honest workers (as there are many honest workers in this country that do not have the Italian citizenship) do to them by paying for everything they enjoy for free … and I stress for free, since by not paying taxes they do not contribute in any way to the payment of those many services that they use without limits starting from the public free healtcare!
I think that once you lived in a country a significant amount of years you're more than "qualified" to criticize it… It's almost part of our culture. We Italians loveeeeeeee to complain about our country but at the same time, we just love it. It's a love – hate relationship.
About football… I don't see why I should say that "I'm not interested in football" when in reality I think it's one of the most boring games I can imagine and that I honestly hate! For me, watching a football match is a real punishment! And if football lovers don't like this, it's not my problem! I like to ski but if someone tells me that he hates skiing I'm not offended … indeed, thank God, one less crowding the ski slopes … more space for me! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 Moreover, I will not enter into the merits of what it costs the Italian state to keep hordes of imbeciles at bay! Criminals who use football as an excuse to give free rein to their bestiality!
Going to Italy for 2 weeks in October.
This etiquette tip video really helps, especially about who pays for a meal. I like the sneak off to the bathroom and pay the cashier technique. 🤠👍✨
Non capisco come mai alla terza generazione avete potuto perdere la lingua italiana in famiglia!?
I wish you had a patreon but I will look into the funding you have opted for. By the end of the week I will be supporting you because I find a great deal of value in your vids!
That said… I deeply want to have a significant amount of retirement time here. I'm closer to 60 than 50, lol and hope to begin spending much more time in Italy each year. But, I am a worker and I can only handle so much 'down time'…
How hard is it to be in Italy 3 months a year and work? I have no idea where to start on this. Is it even possible?
VSG Trek
thanks for the tip … say, I've watched many of your videos and I have a question that I figure you might be able to help me with. based on research, I think there are two trains that run from Roma Termini to La Spezia … one is a coastal train and one is more inland. I think I'd like to take the coastal train, as I envision it as being beautiful (bella) when I visit in October,. but, I'm not sure if it is more beautiful nor how to order those tickets or which train is which…we have 2 nights in Rome, taking the train to Cinque Terre for two nights before we head to Tuscany by car… thoughts?
Great stuff! Thank you!
Of course you can criticise Italy and the Italians! I’m Italian and I say I hate soccer. A bunch of boys in shorts running after a ball: ridiculous!
I lived in Italy and eventually attended school there. I dressed like an Italian. Italian people always complemented me on my Italian language skills as opposed to the French who throw a fit if you can't speak French.
About money for gift: it's usually a thing just between grandparents and grandchildren; in ALL other cases is considered tasteless, a sign that you didn't put any thought or effort into the gift and went for the easier way. The only exception to this rule are wedding gifts, and usually, again, from grandparents, or old uncles/aunts, or if the couple asked for that themselves.
Gift giving is a very tricky subject in Italy: you have to find the right balance between "too little" and "too much"; the gift has to LOOK not too expensive (it could sell you like a "show-off" type of person) nor too inexpensive (so you are deemed a "braccino corto" = "short little arm" = stingy). Be aware: it's a matter of LOOK, not of the real price. It's also a matter of size: small gifts are ok if they are precious/clearly costly or handcrafted.
Gifts are expected for the usual occasions (Christmas, birthday, wedding, baptism, first communion, marriage anniversary), but, in Italy, also for "engagement anniversary" (since here the betrothal can last years before the marriage), graduation, final exam of the high school ("Maturità").
Very interesting. I have Italian family in Naples do I take it that when I visit should I Buy a gift for them all. I only bought a gift for one cousin this year but feel now that I should have bought a gift for one of my other cousin's as she was so kind to me. What do you think? Thank you
Ciao! I’m moving to Italy and I’d like it to know how I go about becoming a citizen? My mom father is a natural born Italian citizen and currently resides in his homeland! I have my American citizenship and need doppia cittadinanza! Suggestions? Guidance? Thank you!
The "go to the bathroom and then pay for everyone" thing is so true ahahahahahah