Conan Catches Jordan Schlansky Coming In Late | CONAN on TBS

Conan investigates why Jordan rolls in past noon and discovers his creepy morning routines.

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ABOUT CONAN ON TBS
Airing weeknights since 2010, CONAN on TBS is home to topical monologues, remote segments, celebrity interviews, musical performances and stand-up from the top comedians in the world. Watch highlights, outtakes and behind the scenes footage of Conan palling around with sidekick Andy Richter, tormenting Associate Producer Jordan Schlansky and playing the latest video games on Clueless Gamer.

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Conan Catches Jordan Schlansky Coming In Late | CONAN on TBS
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[Music] as many of you probably know we do not tape a show on Friday but we still come into the office and work a full day okay everyone’s supposed to arrive by 9:30 a.m. including myself people on the staff started telling me that one of our producers Jordan schlansky there he is yeah that’s really him uh that one of our producers Jordan slansky doesn’t come into the office on Fridays until early afternoon and that he’s been consistently doing this for a long time well since I’m the boss last Friday I decided to look into this claim that Jordan comes in late on Fridays I had a camera crew with me I think it was a very good use of my time here’s what happened I’m sitting in the office of Jordan schlansky he’s an associate producer at the show and uh it’s come to my attention recently that on Fridays uh for some reason he doesn’t come in till very late uh it is now 12:20 no Jordan schlansky so I’m sitting and I’m waiting for him cuz I want to get to the bottom of what the Jordan does every Friday he’s got a kaiser roll in a bag olive oil his own mini specialized pepper grinder look at this it’s got a giant thing of Clorox wipes now does this look like the office of someone who’s afraid of Jones Alo fresh hydrating gel the espresso cups he’s got two in case he ever makes a [Laughter] friend he got the death squad commander in its box and a backup why would you why would you have two he supposed to go to a children’s hospital and he’s hiding them in his office oh my God I’m curious oh of course cufflinks for his wedding [Applause] day I better put these back I’m sure these are inured by Floyds of London if anyone ever wants to get Jordan a wedding present I believe he’s registered at Toys R [Music] Us what’s going on here that’s your reaction what’s going on here you just walk into your office feels like an acceptable reaction to me Jordan do you know what time it is 12:30 actually it’s 12:50 it’s come to my attention that you like to drift in late on Fridays okay well I work later on Fridays than a lot of people and I feel like I’m able to adequately accomplish what I need to in the time that I’m here I’ve uh prepared my daily task ahead of me already your daily task what’s your daily task to pour olive oil into a kaiser roll is that your daily task may I ask you uh Jordan what you were doing this morning well I woke up uh immediately had a protein shake I’ve been experimenting with oats and whey with oats and Whey I was trying to avoid synthetic maltodextrin which is derived from corn and I had read that oats is a good source of complex carbohydrates when mixed with whey can I ask you a quick question are you wearing your sunglasses while you’re making the shake you looking to remove them what do you think would be the human thing what You’ studied humans on our plant for a while remove them it makes you more comfortable okay you got up you had your whey and oat Shake then what uh then I prepared my body in various ways cleaned it shaved it and uh got what do you me okay I want to make it very clear to everyone at home this is really happening this is completely real this isn’t scripted he just said all those things this is a real person there such of people asking me how did you find that guy who writes his stuff you just said that you just said I prepare my body in various ways did you say you shave it I did shave it remove your shirt please if you don’t mind so this is freshly shaved this area uh no I didn’t say I shaved my chest I didn’t say I sh shaved my entire body what part of your body did you shave my face oh just your face oh you saave down below down south believe that’s a private matter you just took your shirt off you ask I just asked you if you shave your your your John Dory do you that’s hardly matter you draw the line there in terms of talking about my daily grooming rituals yes yes okay you can put your shirt back on wait a minute put the sunglasses on but leave the shirt off can I ask you why you have this instead of just a regular packet of pepper that’s a pepper mill yeah I’ve never seen anything like this before why is it’s so small it allows me to use fresh pepper on the food that I eat without taking up an inordinate amount of death space right cuz you wouldn’t want a clutter your face why do you have these they were sent to me by who by a woman that I know a woman sent you these correct the very definition of having this is proof that you don’t know a woman it’s you’re not making eye contact with me why would is your intention to hang on to these or to give them to a worthy children’s charity undecided I’d like to help you be on time from now on I think that that would be good for you so we have some devices that might help would this be helpful to you this clock I don’t see how you could have this at home and it would tell you what time it is and then you would know I should probably get to work my lack of awareness of the time is not responsible for the hour that I arrive in the office office I’d like you to hang this one in the office and I’d like you to strap this one to your Vasa would be sort of the Italian douchebag flavor flave I also want you to know that you’re being monitored at all times by this camera I will constantly be monitoring that camera to make sure that one of my workers is a real busy bee buzz buzz this is a good old-fashioned time card you are to punch in and punch out every day I’ve had this machine brought back would you like to check in yes I don’t think the device Works try again you have to put it in the very center you know how I knew it was the very center no I’ve worked for a living he’s a real human being